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"but i don't want to go among mad people" - Alice remarked!

Name: RYAN
Age: 20
Likes: To doodle
Hates:that's really too strong a word
|a ::zen:: design|


Saturday, September 02, 2006
As of late (and as usual), i find myself distracted from my piorities. Incidentally i am now in the U S of A, living under the roof of my beloved aunty and uncle in George's Bush's hometown. It's sad when your state is linked to such an unsavory fellow but, what the heck, at least you're recognised.

I miss gym-ing a lot. So i'm hoping to buy a pair of dumbbells for christmas (my aunt & uncle dun celebrate it) so i can home gym. I'm being fed a lot over here by my lovely aunt so the only missing element to hunk-ness is training. I'm trying to keep myself away from my computer (ironic isn't it?) because i realise that it's destroying my real personality.

Computer = Surrogate Life.

You know it.

I'm playing way too much video games - damn that's sad. But i can't pry myself away, it's so addictive this post is becoming a cry for help.


Wussy-time is over.

Time for "Id" to step in... this is what i'm going to do :

1. Sleep early [10-ish skool nites, 11-ish others]
2. Till i get my weights it's dive-bomber pushups and crunches and dips.
3. Vitamins 2x a day
4. Study Study Study
5. Wikipeada
6. Hygiene upkeep
7. Espanyol

As my best bud would say : "COME ON!"

Ps: This is the post which i have spent the least time pondering over - hence i believe it is my best attempt at keeping it real. Gonna try to keep this blogging up...

Ryan went mad at 4:50 PM

Monday, April 17, 2006
I'm a firm BELIEVER, if you will, in the easy way out. I take things easy and hate to be proactive. As such, people have many names for someone like me - slacker, hobo, slack-shit, unemployed guy, loser, the list goes on. However you would be mistaken to think i was not driven or that i lacked ambition. I am VERY ambitious, the difference between me and the guys who have chosen to use their lull time before school starts to work is that i know that more work doesn't translate into more money. Especially the kind of work that only requires an a-level cert, or better yet doesn't even require that.

To me if it's not worth it i ain't doing it. That's why it's so hard for me to do anything on a day-to-day basis, because more often than not there isn't a pot of gold waiting for me at the end. Grooming a problem so is the tidiness of my surroundings and not to mention even meals. It's pretty sad but i survive each day with dignity to boot. By the grace of God i do not resemble the missing link at the end of each day.

Anyhoo i've gotta start getting my piorites right, cause when all looks bleak you just gotta trudge on and try to make it better. I know i will.

Ryan went mad at 7:32 AM

Saturday, December 31, 2005
It's New Year's again, time to sit down and reflect on the past year and RESOLVE to improve in the coming one. Of course cynically looking at the way resolutions are, they are mere forgettable figments of imaginationary impulses thought up during guilt trips oft in the season that is now.

Well what I was trying to say is no one keeps them.

But what the heck, that bit's overkill and overly-emphasied already, so let's just go on to my resolutions (keeping with tradition) ,

1. Put on muscle mass, while maintaining my six-pack.
2. Get into my American University already.
3. Increase my thresholds.
4. Sleep early and wake early.
5. Brush up on my guitar and piano.
6. Be more charming.
7. ORD.

That's a good number - or as Pythagoras would phrase it:


Ryan went mad at 7:15 PM

Saturday, December 03, 2005
meg·a·lo·ma·ni·a n.-

A psychopathological condition characterized by delusional fantasies of wealth, power, or omnipotence.

This is actually the title of a song from one of incubus' albums, and the chorus goes like so:

Hey megalomaniac
You're not Jesus
Yeah, you're no f**king Elvis
as you know yourself,
Step down Step down
Hell, I wouldn't mind meeting one cos as it is i'm pretty damn sick of meeting insecure emotional weaklings who lack confidence yet masquerade as know-it-alls when all they are to me are simply this:
Granted i'm not so hot myself in terms of confidence levels, i'll always be the guy going foward and taking the road less travelled (If no one takes it all the more better) than be the guy standing still being all cynical and critical when really he's just a wuss-bag.
OK, so megalomaniacs history-wise mostly have bad reps, but it would be a refreshing experience to hear from one, or hang out with one. Maybe i have a little megalomaniac-ness in me, cause damn i refuse to believe anyone is better than yours truly.
Special, as i know myself...

Ryan went mad at 8:17 AM

Sunday, September 11, 2005
anterograde memory dysfunction.


Short-term memory loss.

What if you couldn't make new memories, if you started a conversation with someone you just met and ten minutes in you had to ask him his name again?

What if every morning was a brand new start, whatever recollections from the night before dissipated like cigarette smoke on a breezey afternoon, akin to a rebirth.

Man that would suck.

Watching momento yesterday i appreciated the arthouse feel of the film and the audience-friendly twists and turns. If one's life was so purposeless and bleak, what does one live for?


Wait a minute... so what was i talking about again?

Ryan went mad at 8:54 AM

Wednesday, August 24, 2005
I was part of the mobile column on National Day

*pauses for applause*

and i've gotta say it was a gratifying experience. i mean... WOW i don't even catch the parade on TV let alone scramble for scarce tickets to watch it live noramlly and I was IN it this time.

It almost seemed worth every weekend i'd burnt sitting in that Veh Comd seat waiting for rehearsals to start, having to suffer the company of my pyshologically-unsound driver yada yada on about some controversial topic like
"Murderers are good"
whilst in the sweltering heat or pouring rain.

After saluting the PRESIDENT (UH-HUH!)
i stood on the vehicle seat as we continued towards Yishun. People were waving, kids screaming, some teenagers were swearing, babies were crying - pretty much at me.

But hey, it wasn't exactly a stroll in the park, cause I was so fixated on the image i was protraying to the public...

Was my smile crooked?

How's my wave?

Am i smiling enough?

But besides that - was the akwardness of the 'NON-wave'. It happens when you wave at the people and - they don't wave back.

That's when you feel like a damn fool.

But the heartwarming actions of the crowds was far more prevalent and as i got increasingly 'High' from each dose of waves cum screams I thought to myself...

THIS is worth protecting.

Ryan went mad at 9:23 AM

Sunday, August 07, 2005
People like stability, shun the unknown, that is human nature.

We were brought up that way - don't talk to strangers, refuse gifts from unknown sources, mind your own business... to embrace the norm.


You never know what he might do, he acts counter-culturely in the worst manner, he lives life up-side down and abnormally. It's like he's an alien from a world unlike our own.

Really if you think about it, what should we do about them? This mentally-detached bunch. It's not like they're from the same 'world', they're just not from ours if you get my drift. Putting them all in the same mental asylum is like lugging venusians, martians and uranusians stranded on earth (This is just an example i don't THINK there's life ou there) and forcing them to from a comunity much like Chinatown.

Of course that isn't a perfect example, IT'S MORE LIKE THE ZOO.

Yes, very politically incorrect. But i am not a sympathiser of crazyfolk, i don't enjoy their presence and i know i'm not alone.
I'm not psycho-phobic but i am psycho-intolerant.

So please, call me mr Sane.

Ryan went mad at 9:25 AM

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